Sometimes I wish I would just get out of my own head. I know I have said this before, but my mind is my own worst enemy. For example, a while back while mountain biking, I spent a good 5 minutes standing over top of a log trying to talk myself into going over it. Then I spent another 10 minutes sitting at the top of a ditch trying to convince myself that I would be ok if I dropped in on it. I was scared and I kept conjuring up the worst case scenario of how I was going to end up flying over the handlebars into a tree. The worst part about the whole situation is how frustrated I got with myself. I wanted nothing more than to overcome these fears, but my mind had a firm grasp on this wild farce and the more I thought about it, the madder I got at myself.
That was my first time back on the bike in about 2 months. The last time I road I got pretty comfortable riding and was experiencing less fear. I was confident in my ability to take on the obstacles and stepping outside of my comfort zone and wasn’t convincing myself otherwise.
When I took my job about 6 months ago, it was such a huge transition for me that I resorted back to my protective mode of wanting to blend into the crowd and not allow people to truly know me. I retreated from the newfound confidence that I had built up from life experiences over the past few months to the old me. I would get frustrated with myself for making mistakes or when things just felt too hard for me to do. My confidence wavers when I meet new people and try new things on the job and I just end up getting more upset with myself.
I feel like I am finally able to start stepping out again into new territory because I don’t want to live a life of fear. I hope that over the next few weeks, I remember this joy when things get hard and I hope I also remember to just get outta my own head!
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