One Word 2011

Vulnerability. There. I said it. It makes me squirm as I stare at it on the page and do everything to not delete it. This is the word that the Lord has relentlessly been impressing upon my heart as something that He wants to work on with me this year. It scares me. No lie because what if people truly saw my heart? Would they like what they find?

When I was flying back to Florida last week listening to the satellite radio on the airplane, Mercy Me’s song “Beautiful” came on. If there is one way God can speak to me, it’s through song lyrics. For me a song is all about the words. The line that captured me was this:

“And if they truly saw your heart, they’d see too much…but you’re beautiful in His eyes.”

Depicts exactly how I feel. It made me realize though that the great Creator of this earth made me exactly as He wanted me to be and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Because if I am ashamed of it, then that is saying to the Lord, I don’t like your work, which is alarming.

Writing has always been an art form for me that I feel I can truly express my feelings, I just don’t share it a lot with others because I’m afraid it would let them see too much, so hopefully, this will be just one exercise in allowing myself to be more vulnerable. To let people into my bubble.

My prayer for this year is that the Lord would breakdown these walls that I have built and help me to be ok with it. To truly believe that in His eyes, I am beautiful.

This is something that I have struggled with for awhile and have been running from for some time. I’m good at the running thing, but Lord, I’m done running.